Serendipity

hello… this will be the last post i will be making on this blog… i will be moving to http://esotericreflection.blogspot.com… ciaoz

The Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This is one book this author highly recommends to young forlorn lovers as it embellishes the meaning of "youthful sufferings" and provides solace to all who finds themselves in a similar predicament. 47 years after this book was published, Goethe commented thus, "It must be bad, if not everybody was to have a time in his life, when he felt as though Werther had been written exclusively for him."

The book is written in a series of letters the protagonist, a young and talented man of highly sensitive feelings and bellowing passions by the name of Werther,  writes to his confidante, Wilhelm while traveling to a place called Wahlheim. Its initial letters were written with a detailed account of the breathtaking scenic  in the fictional village of Wahlheim near Wetzlar and the beautiful zen like simplicity of the peasants living there. These quiescent accounts builds tension in the reader’s mind. Like a calm before the gathering storm.

Following these tranquil notes is a sudden account of Werther’s enchanting encounter with a beautiful young lady by the name of Lotte in whom he was struck by Cupid’s arrow. Lotte is however engaged and made this known to Werther describing Albert(her fiance) as a " worthy man" but afforded to be in his company in the context of a platonic friend, while her fiance is away on business.

The relationship between the two thus swayed increasingly tumultuous upon friendship and rejection( between Lotte pity for her friend and respect for her fiance/husband) and is characteristic throughout the whole book. The story hits a crescendo when Werther, on a journey away, discovers that Lotte has married her fiance. He later befriends that family to continue seeing Lotte. The tension between the two begins to build up at an exponential pace before it hits a climax when Lotte, overwhelmed with emotions during one of the poetry recital by Werther, kissed him. Following that, Lotte was overcome with a sense of guilt and withdrew from Werther while hiding this from her husband. Werther, on the other hand, decided that the only way that this issue would end is if someone(between Lotte, Albert or himself) dies and decides later that he should die. He writes a letter to Albert to borrow a pair of pistol  for a journey - a pretext not entirely untrue. The pistols were ironically prepared by Lotte, who knew only too well, intuitively, what Werther was about to do but kept this knowledge to herself knowing that exposing his intent would also mean exposing her secret. Thus, the story comes to an abrupt end with only a short suicide note.

Though by divulging the above plot may seem like a spoiler, I would like to emphasize that the beauty of this book lies not in suspense but rather in the deep love that tore this youth’s heart asunder. If you can bring yourself  to empathize fully the pains and sufferings of this piteous youth, then take solace that there is at least three in the world who has suffered unrequited love. If you can enjoy this book as much as I do, then you shall find it melancholic that you cannot find another book of it’s equal, much less better.

This book is available as a text file download at The Project Gutenberg collection. http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/2527

"…To his spirit and character you cannot refuse your admiration and love:
to his fate you will not deny your tears.

And thou, good soul, who sufferest the same distress as he endured
once, draw comfort from his sorrows; and let this little book be
thy friend, if, owing to fortune or through thine own fault, thou
canst not find a dearer companion."

simple self deception occurs when subject X wants to believe in p so much, he/she ignores all evidences pointing towards ~p and irrationally places great importance on trivial events pointing towards p.

twisted self deception occurs when subject X wants to believe in p so much, he/she believes in ~p(even if p is true) because believing in ~p triggers an event S that is advantageous to allow/maintain p.

the above topic has been on my mind so i decided to briefly mention about this. a simple eg of twisted self deception is when a smart student (academically smart) wants  to obtain good results(p) so much, he/she believes that he/she is really stupid and wuldnt do well(~p) becoz thinking that way, prompts the subject to work harder(S), thus leading him/her to achieving good results. what makes this sort of self deception different from the simple self deception is the orientation of the result. in the former, it is result-orientated( it helps the subject attain his goal of making p take place even at the expense of emotionally instability) whereas in the latter, it is emotions-orientated( it helps the subject become emotionally stable at the expense of lowering the chances of making p a reality; since the subject will not come to terms with the problem, the problem will not be solved.

so then, the next question is when does a subject practice simple self deception and when does he/she apply the twisted form?  my take is that the type of self deception practiced depends on what the subject expects to receive from the situation. using the above e.g for twisted self deception, the subject chooses to practice the twisted form becoz he knows, either consciously or sub-consciously, that he is capable of achieving good results. thus believing in it would allow him/her to realize his/her wishes at the expense of some sadness and anxiety. now imagine another scenario where a student has just taken a test and estimates(rather accurately) that he/she did badly in the test. as the test has already been taken and nothing can be done to change the results( the absence of an event S), practicing the twisted form of self deception does nothing but add on more feelings of anxiety. thus the rational choice would be to practice simple self deception, and it appears to be so based on my observations, so as to elevate feelings of anxiety at least temporarily before the cold hard truth smacks the subject in the face, jolting him/her from fool’s paradise.

so after that lengthy type on self deception, what type of self deception do i practice. I believe("I believe" is all that can be said on a conscious level) I’m the sort who sees nothing wrong in practicing twisted self deception because it leads me to my goals in life but I will not practice simple self deception because i do not believe in delusive contentment. A fall in life will never be a fall for long when one quickly picks himself up.

Lost all the poetic streak that was burning so strongly in the previous day. Just got through a tiring day at east coast park for the live run. so here i am, blogging while I’m waiting to book out for the week end:)
just yesterday, perhaps the day before yesterday, I was talking to a friend over some number of casual issues and one stood out in particular. we came to the conclusion that some things in life are so much more desirable and enjoyable in life not because it is that way intrinsically but because of the hard work one has to put in the process, most of the time more then what we initially expected, to obtain it. I would like to develop further upon this idea by elaborating how such a mentality is nature’s way of equipping us with an adaptive mind to cope with unforeseen changes and ,perhaps at the end, convince you that you have been blissfully self deceived in the perceived value of your treasured items, particularly those you worked significantly hard for.( not that that is such a bad thing if it makes you happy:-)

To start, this phenomenon is as an adaptive function of the mind to strive in an uncertain environment; to curb with previously unforeseen difficulties and to create a resolute will to overcome these adversities as and when we face them to minimize losses.

To start, we know that the amount of effort we are willing to put in to obtain a particular commodity is in sync with the amount of desire (coming from the pleasure we expect to derive from it) we have for it. Thus, we will only put in a large amount of effort in something which we have a large amount of desire for.

In a consumer market working on instant gains, one trades stored effort(in cash) for a particular commodity, the trade is done instantaneously and judgement regarding valuation is usually a simple matter. A simple example could be the purchase of food to satisfy your hunger. how much effort u would put in to procure your desired food could be easily evaluated by a number of factors(e.g taste, price, etc) and involves little risk. That means, if the cost outweighs the benefit, one can just leave and nothing would be lost.

However, in other trades in life, many as important if not more, they are more difficult to quantify its cost and payoff(and hence how much investment should be made) because it involves a long period of time with intermittent investments before the value of the invested effort can be realized, any earlier and all the effort put in so far will go to waste.  When one realizes halfway that the cost has exceeded his perceived benefit, he is in a dilemma; he can either choose to carry on with his plan as a cost higher then what he previously expects or risk losing everything he invested so far. Both way he loses; unless he can convince, deceive himself into believing that the value is really much more then the initial perceived value.

One example is to think of a businessman involved in a business venture. He calculates that his interest/desire in seeing the venture come into fruition is worth 3million dollars and is therefore willing to pay as much as that amount. He estimates that his spending will be 2.8 million, which is less then his interest/desire for it and decides to continue in the plan. Now supposing after investing 2 million dollars into the project bringing it to 50% completion, he realises after a performance review that he needs to pay 2 million dollars more before the project would be completed. He is left with two options: i)give up and lose 2 million ii) invest 2mil more(total 4mil) to satisy 3mil(his original valuation of the project) of his original interest. Logically speaking, assuming he has enough cash to avoid a loan, losing a million is better then losing 2 million and option 2 would be a better choice. But herein lies the framing of the context.  Placed under this context, the businessman must feel like a complete idiot to invest an additional  2 million in an investment that he is about to lose a million in. So, the next best option is to deceive himself into thinking that his interest/desire in the project is worth 4 million and he is paying the rightful amount for its worth. This way, his brain saves him from self humiliation by increasing his perceived desire in an object to justify total spending to bring it to realization.

Well something like that, the rest you can exercise ur brains but more importantly, pang kang loh!

zzz this was suppose to be a a short 15 mins blog but i had to go through so much thinking to get this blog out(well not every thought is spelt out) :-/ well, hopefully i’ll regain my ability to string ideas and put it to words fluently and quickly soon, at least before i enter the u. so at the mean time, blogging should be pretty good practice for me. if anyone of you has anything to add to what i just said, feel free to drop a comment. I love to be thinking about something:) hopefully tonight can play a few nice matches in dota(first time i chong zhu jiang hu in 4 months)lol. CIAOZ

Upon the azure skyline, the sun yields its strength and warmth, giving way to the soft and gentle moonbeam, a suitably placed reward for the toils of men in the day’s past. This night however, the perfect design of nature in which I often beheld with adoration had failed to excite that sweet sense that all is well on earth. Rather, my nerves shakes with all the agitation of epilepsy. Scarcely can I recompose myself before a new wave hits throwing me off in uncertain seizure. I would that I were not that which I am.

So then my friends, what is the object- surely you
must be curious- in which I have subjected myself in such violent and yet servile tone,
to be led by the nose according to its every whim? Nothing! plain
unornamented blend nothingness! Oh! unfeeling plainness, abhorring
abyssal nothingness! would
I for the world to give but to feel the tender blessings of the "loved
and the loving heart" or the bitter resentment that so leads me to
proclaim "this love feel I that feels no love in this". But where one
or the either should have filled the void in my heart, all I feel is as
though nothing ever happened. *paused* My heart — fills heavy — with
emotions. My thoughts have grown murky with the constant pauses that increases
in length. I must stop and leave my work incomplete despite the many
things that agitate my heart; perhaps in so doing, I
leave my work more complete then ever. Adieu.